Who are you glorifying?
Yesterday morning while doing my time with God, my mom called. I had been praying over a list I had made earlier that morning. It mainly was about all the responsibilities I have here on earth. Ministry, health, marriage, adult children, grand children, parents, extended family, etc. Just asking God to help me to make the best of my time in all these areas etc. I admit I became a little down thinking about my inability to be all I would like to be.
During the phone call with my mom, I was trying to explain something to her and she was just talking over it and moving on to a different subject. I felt myself get angry and I couldn't shake it off. So I asked God why am I so angry? Oh boy did I not anticipate what happened next. He said so clearly, control, you want to control her and others, but the root of that control is pride. It broke my heart but i knew He was right. I was ashamed and quickly asked Him for forgiveness. Proverbs 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. I went on to journal about my feelings.
I told you, He was calling me to get real. I wasn't sure I wanted to share this on here, but then I thought what better way to kick out the power it has over me then to put it out here for everyone to see. I asked God to break the bondage it had on me.
Pride is a nasty thing it can hide in ways you don't even recognize yourself. The Bible says God hates pride. That doesn't mean he hates me, he just hates my pride. It's like a parent loves their child dearly, but hates their rebellion, mouth, etc. Proverbs 8:13 To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.
Have you ever noticed how God kinda pokes you ever so slightly with what He wants us to work on. He loves us so much He does it with gentleness. He has been poking me for sometime now on this, but I just didn't really get it. Then all of a sudden it's like He pulls back the blinders and WHAM, it's so clear and I can't miss it. Yet because of His gentle pokes, I realize He is so right. Where if He just whacked me over the head with it, I probably would rebel, fight, etc. (There probably is a good parental lesson there, for another day).
I asked God to reveal to me why I had so much pride in me and where did it begin. He showed me it started way back when I was a child and I wanted others to like me. So I tried to be what I thought I needed to be for them to do that. What He showed me next was a eye opener. Ready for this...I wanted them to see me better then I saw myself. Now I could set here and write out a whole list of reasons why I thought so little of myself, but the fact is satan had convinced me, as a little child I wasn't good enough. My house wasn't good enough, my looks weren't good enough, my......wasn't good enough. So the pride began. I needed to take this in my own hands and make others believe differently.
I look back and think how my life could have been so different if I wouldn't have believed that one lie.
I'm better then I was. There was a day when I heard that certain people were coming to our house I wanted to repaint, paper, maybe even move, borrow someone else's house, you get the point. Praise the Lord, I haven't been that way for at least five-ten years. Not saying little tendencies of that don't pop up here and there, and I have to tell myself to cool it. Proverbs 16:18-19 Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud.
That all being said, I still have strong pride issues that need to be addressed.
The most important thing God showed me was, (if you don't get anything else from this post, get this)why does it matter what others think. I was put here to glorify Him not others. When I stand before Him it isn't going to matter if I had a nice house, if I was liked by so and so, and they surely aren't going to be there to tell Him how wonderful I was and that I deserve special consideration or whatever.
This is HUGE for me. Today is a new day and I have a whole new look on life. A freedom to stop controlling,(as if I really was anyway) and stop the pride. I know that list won't look as daunting and life will be so much more simpler, when God and I really get this where He knows it needs to be.
Another thought....control is a blinder or lie of fear. We are so afraid if we don't control our surroundings and those in it, something horrible might happen. Reality....something horrible might happen anyway. Fear is not of God and when we are controlling, God can't. I don't know about you but I would much rather Him be in charge then me.
How about you? Are you trying to control those around you? Do you get angry when they don't act the way you think they should? Do you feel embarrassed when your children act out in front of certain people. Do you see that it is your pride, fear that they will see you as a bad parent, etc.? Take it to God, my friend, it is a heavy load to carry. Who are you glorifying?
I would love to hear your thoughts.